As you may have noticed I've been slacking off in the post department lately. I went through a time last month where I lost all confidence and enthusiasm for this project. However I still managed to muster enough energy to push on with my third conversation— and I'm so glad I did. I discovered something unexpected and something very important. [If you missed Conversation #3 with Celia Slater, Executive Director, NCAA Women Coaches Academy check out my April 25 post].
I had never met Celia before. She didn't know me. We were introduced via email by a colleague of mine who used to work with Celia when she was head women’s basketball coach at Lynn University. So when I spoke to this "complete stranger" over the phone I was taken aback by her interest in my project [quite honestly she had more interest in my project at that time than I did]. She thought it was a wonderful endeavor and was excited and honored to take part. [Honored? I was the one that was honored that she wanted to participate]. Not only did her personal story inspire me; she encouraged me to continue down this path of “conversations”. After we spoke, I found a renewed energy for this project and more importantly discovered something that gave me chills and stirred my soul.
A few weeks before my conversation with Celia, I received a phone call from an old high school friend. It was completely out of the blue; I hadn’t talked to her in nearly five years however we’ve always seemed to be able to pick up just where we left off and this time was no exception. I was glad she called and was looking forward to catching up. I was excited to fill her in on this project, my “vision” of myself as I approach the next phase of my life and how my project ties into my metamorphosis. [My biggest goal on this journey of conversations is that I finish what I started and hopefully discover a few things about myself; and of course I hope to motivate you to continue to move forward down your path toward success].
As our conversation unfolded a strange thing happened. I found myself hesitant to tell my longtime friend the vision I have created for myself. I felt awkward making this “declaration” to my friend whom I’ve known for over 25 years. Why can’t I get my words out? I’ve declared my vision to others lately with ease and confidence and they don’t even know me as well [I will come back to this thought later]. But I finally did it; I declared my vision— out loud; over the phone. There was a brief silence and then my friend commented “now what is your purpose in this? Don’t you think you’re better off spending your time and energy elsewhere? All of a sudden I was back in high school— with my big hair, neon pants and gold, metallic shoes [believe it or not this was actually cool back then]. And for the first time in my life I saw how her words cut me down. Looking back at our friendship, I never really got her true support on things. She always found a way to knock me off my pedestal or discourage me from trying something new. I must have known this on an unconscious level and that’s why I was so hesitant to declare my bold, new vision. She never truly respected me; she actually never really got me— I always dealt with it because that’s just how it always was. But at that moment I realized that she will never get me or the person that I’ve become and am striving to be, much less support it. And now I have the choice to react to this situation differently because I am not who I used to be. Maybe those “strangers” that I’ve declared my intentions to lately actually know me- the person I have become and am striving to be because there is no past history between us. They see me for who I am now and that's why it was easier for me to declare my vision to them rather than to my longtime friend.
I couldn’t wait to get off the phone; when I did I found myself crying uncontrollably, reflecting on my life and oddly enough my mother. In that moment I finally understood what my mom has been experiencing for quite some time now. My mother is a talented and gifted writer. Just some of her accomplishments include stories published in Chicken Soup for the Soul, Highlights for Children, McCalls, and The Crafts Report in addition to authoring/illustrating three published children’s books and an adult novel. However her sister never asks about her writing; never expresses an interest in her stories. She never congratulates or encourages my mom. To her, my mother is just “Porky” [her childhood nickname]. My mother is just her sister and that’s all she will ever be to her. She doesn’t see my mother for the author she is today; for the person she has become.
So what do you do when your friends don’t encourage you? When they don’t jive with your vision anymore? When they don’t know you anymore? Some friends come into your life at certain times and for certain reasons. However as you grow and change sometimes that friendship doesn’t serve its purpose anymore. You may find that your “friend” is no longer supporting your new vision of you, or the new goals you are trying to achieve, or the person you’ve become. Maybe they’re not supporting the new you anymore because they only see the older version of you; maybe they’re not supportive because it will force them to take a look at themselves and their ways of doing things. Whatever the reason, you have to decide if that friendship is working for you now. It might be time to cut the cord with some friendships that have become toxic; or it might take you accepting the fact that you are not going to receive support from that friend as you become the new you. You can still be friends but your relationship won't be like the past.
When it comes to family it’s a bit more complicated, however it boils down to the fact that you have to envision the person you want to become and you must surround yourself with those friends and family members who see you for who you truly are and aspire to be. And you also may find support from unexpected sources— from people that you don’t know very well. However these acquaintances see and know the real you because they are not constrained by your past. This support might come from members of a club you recently joined, from complete strangers who have been reading your blog and actually post a comment; or from someone you met in a class that you just started.
Visualize who and what you want to be and surround yourself with those who see you in that role. Don’t let an old friend or family member steer you off course just because they only see you for who you were.
You owe it to yourself to become the person you were meant to be.
I've picked myself back up from my phone conversation with my "friend", dusted myself off, and I'm back on track thanks to the encouragement I continue to receive from those like Celia Slater. Hang in there with me...I have more conversations in the works. This journey is a learning process— I'm discovering that these conversations take more back and forth than expected and I want to give my interviews the time and respect they deserve and in turn offer some great content for you. I appreciate your patience as I discover the "art of journalism". More conversations to come!
I had never met Celia before. She didn't know me. We were introduced via email by a colleague of mine who used to work with Celia when she was head women’s basketball coach at Lynn University. So when I spoke to this "complete stranger" over the phone I was taken aback by her interest in my project [quite honestly she had more interest in my project at that time than I did]. She thought it was a wonderful endeavor and was excited and honored to take part. [Honored? I was the one that was honored that she wanted to participate]. Not only did her personal story inspire me; she encouraged me to continue down this path of “conversations”. After we spoke, I found a renewed energy for this project and more importantly discovered something that gave me chills and stirred my soul.
A few weeks before my conversation with Celia, I received a phone call from an old high school friend. It was completely out of the blue; I hadn’t talked to her in nearly five years however we’ve always seemed to be able to pick up just where we left off and this time was no exception. I was glad she called and was looking forward to catching up. I was excited to fill her in on this project, my “vision” of myself as I approach the next phase of my life and how my project ties into my metamorphosis. [My biggest goal on this journey of conversations is that I finish what I started and hopefully discover a few things about myself; and of course I hope to motivate you to continue to move forward down your path toward success].
As our conversation unfolded a strange thing happened. I found myself hesitant to tell my longtime friend the vision I have created for myself. I felt awkward making this “declaration” to my friend whom I’ve known for over 25 years. Why can’t I get my words out? I’ve declared my vision to others lately with ease and confidence and they don’t even know me as well [I will come back to this thought later]. But I finally did it; I declared my vision— out loud; over the phone. There was a brief silence and then my friend commented “now what is your purpose in this? Don’t you think you’re better off spending your time and energy elsewhere? All of a sudden I was back in high school— with my big hair, neon pants and gold, metallic shoes [believe it or not this was actually cool back then]. And for the first time in my life I saw how her words cut me down. Looking back at our friendship, I never really got her true support on things. She always found a way to knock me off my pedestal or discourage me from trying something new. I must have known this on an unconscious level and that’s why I was so hesitant to declare my bold, new vision. She never truly respected me; she actually never really got me— I always dealt with it because that’s just how it always was. But at that moment I realized that she will never get me or the person that I’ve become and am striving to be, much less support it. And now I have the choice to react to this situation differently because I am not who I used to be. Maybe those “strangers” that I’ve declared my intentions to lately actually know me- the person I have become and am striving to be because there is no past history between us. They see me for who I am now and that's why it was easier for me to declare my vision to them rather than to my longtime friend.
I couldn’t wait to get off the phone; when I did I found myself crying uncontrollably, reflecting on my life and oddly enough my mother. In that moment I finally understood what my mom has been experiencing for quite some time now. My mother is a talented and gifted writer. Just some of her accomplishments include stories published in Chicken Soup for the Soul, Highlights for Children, McCalls, and The Crafts Report in addition to authoring/illustrating three published children’s books and an adult novel. However her sister never asks about her writing; never expresses an interest in her stories. She never congratulates or encourages my mom. To her, my mother is just “Porky” [her childhood nickname]. My mother is just her sister and that’s all she will ever be to her. She doesn’t see my mother for the author she is today; for the person she has become.
So what do you do when your friends don’t encourage you? When they don’t jive with your vision anymore? When they don’t know you anymore? Some friends come into your life at certain times and for certain reasons. However as you grow and change sometimes that friendship doesn’t serve its purpose anymore. You may find that your “friend” is no longer supporting your new vision of you, or the new goals you are trying to achieve, or the person you’ve become. Maybe they’re not supporting the new you anymore because they only see the older version of you; maybe they’re not supportive because it will force them to take a look at themselves and their ways of doing things. Whatever the reason, you have to decide if that friendship is working for you now. It might be time to cut the cord with some friendships that have become toxic; or it might take you accepting the fact that you are not going to receive support from that friend as you become the new you. You can still be friends but your relationship won't be like the past.
When it comes to family it’s a bit more complicated, however it boils down to the fact that you have to envision the person you want to become and you must surround yourself with those friends and family members who see you for who you truly are and aspire to be. And you also may find support from unexpected sources— from people that you don’t know very well. However these acquaintances see and know the real you because they are not constrained by your past. This support might come from members of a club you recently joined, from complete strangers who have been reading your blog and actually post a comment; or from someone you met in a class that you just started.
Visualize who and what you want to be and surround yourself with those who see you in that role. Don’t let an old friend or family member steer you off course just because they only see you for who you were.
You owe it to yourself to become the person you were meant to be.
I've picked myself back up from my phone conversation with my "friend", dusted myself off, and I'm back on track thanks to the encouragement I continue to receive from those like Celia Slater. Hang in there with me...I have more conversations in the works. This journey is a learning process— I'm discovering that these conversations take more back and forth than expected and I want to give my interviews the time and respect they deserve and in turn offer some great content for you. I appreciate your patience as I discover the "art of journalism". More conversations to come!
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