Conversation #7: From welfare to Ivy League

How do some people manage to build a better life than the childhood environment they grew up in while others continue the destructive family patterns they knew as a child?

“A lot of my drive was an effort to protect myself and escape from experiences I saw and wanted no part of.  More often than not, you need to get a college degree; education is the first step in breaking the cycle.” — Dr. Heather Bouchey, Director, Patrick and Marcelle Leahy Center for Rural Students

In high school, I was always impressed by one particular girl.  We were in all the AP classes together.  Although we hung out in different crowds (she was a cheerleader; me a soccer player), I always considered her my friend.  Her smarts and drive to be the very best she could be resonated with me— especially considering her background. 

Heather Bouchey grew up in a low-income family.  Throughout her childhood, her family was on welfare. She lived in a subsidized housing project. Her family environment was that of never-ending substance abuse and total chaos.  I always wondered how she managed to thrive in high school. I hate to say this but I need to make a point— most kids who came from this housing project did not wind up in AP classes.  Not because they didn’t have the potential.  Rather, it was quite the opposite. While they certainly had the potential, their childhood environment made it more difficult for them to achieve this, although not impossible as Heather has proved.  Most kids in our AP classes had parents who were doctors and lawyers.  It was expected that they would do well in school and go on to college. But no one in Heather’s family had ever attended college so how did Heather end up at an Ivy League college and go on to earn her Ph.D.? 

Although I always wondered what motivated her, as high school classmates we never discussed her family life or where she lived. Now, nearly 25 years later, I was finally brave enough to ask Heather how she did it. 

Luckily, Heather was born with the love of reading and learning.  You could say this stemmed from her father who was naturally “book smart” and her mother who was an avid reader and encouraged Heather’s love of the written word.  Heather poured herself into books and learning as a way to protect herself. 

“I had a lot of internal motivation”, states Heather.  “My drive was an effort to protect myself and escape from experiences I saw and wanted no part of.  I was lucky in a sense that reading and learning came easy for me and I used it to my advantage”.

Heather’s peers in high school were quite different than most of the kids where she came from.  A lot of Heather’s friends and peers were kids from high-income families.  “Intellectually, that was where I fit in,” states Heather.  “They were kind enough to let me in their circle and let me run around with them in school”.

Heather not only had book-smarts and got in with the right crowd which stimulated her intellectually, she also had incredible support.  This is not to be underrated.  Heather had teachers who encouraged her; teachers who knew her background and saw her potential.  And Heather’s mother also believed in her potential and was there for her every step of the way.

“My mom gave me incredible support”, says Heather.  “She encouraged me to get out.  Unlike herself who was afraid to leave, she didn’t want to hold me back. I always knew how proud she was of me.”

Heather graduated among the top in our high school class and found herself on the campus of Cornell University.  Heather made it to the Ivy League.  When she first stepped foot on campus she experienced a bit of culture shock.  She not only felt like a tiny fish in a big sea; she was swimming in a big ocean with a lot of fish that had a lot more privileges than she did.  Once again, Heather found herself immersed in a group much different than her home life.

“I was always running with a crowd very different than my upbringing’, states Heather.  “But I’ve always had a personality that allowed me to adapt and that suited me well.”

Heather had her sights on becoming a pediatrician.  However she realized that she did not have the passion for it.  In her junior year, she took a class in developmental psychology.  This class proved to be pivotal in her career path.  “I loved this class”, said Heather.  “I realized there was another field out there that really interested me”.

Heather quickly switched majors.  This move put her behind the curve with the number of classes she would need to take in order to complete her psychology degree in four years. So she did the only thing she knew how to do— she pushed hard and forged ahead without looking back and managed to earn her B.S. in Human Development/Family Studies in just four years.

“In hindsight, I wish I would have given myself permission to finish my degree in five years but at that time my internal drive in an effort to create a better life pushed me forward at a fast pace”, explains Heather.  I wasn’t looking back.”

Heather knew she was on the right path as she pushed forward earning her Masters degree.  She would continue her love of working with children— not as a pediatrician but as a counselor.  As she’d done in high school, Heather found great support in some really great teachers. They mentored her.  They got her thinking about earning her Ph.D.; something she never considered up until then.

“At that point in my life, everything just seemed to click”, says Heather.  “I found my intellectual niche.  I’m a curiosity seeker; I seek information and this path was perfect for me.”

Heather earned her Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology from the University of Michigan and found herself working as a professor at a prestigious east coast institution for eight years.  She finally felt like she had made it.  She’d found success.  She was on a tenure track at a research university— the gold standard for any university professor.  She was teaching graduate students while at the same time satisfying her love of learning and curiosity seeking by doing important research work.

However, sometimes life and circumstances have a different plan; steering the course of a career path. Heather wanted a child and realized that becoming a mother would be a risk to her career.  At the same time, she was not finding the support for her tenure case and the tone at the university was changing— pushing Heather further away from her internal compass. 

“I didn’t realize at the time how miserable I had become”, states Heather.  “To get to where I was at, I had to give up a lot.  I realized that my job as a professor at that institution was no longer a good fit for me.”

Sometimes it takes a leap of faith to find a career that speaks to your soul.  Heather left her job as professor, a position she had her sights set on for years, to take the position as Director of the Leahy Center in Vermont.   “I took a leap of faith with this career transition and I love it”, states Heather.

You could say this move has brought Heather full circle in her life.  You see the Leahy Center’s mission is to change the factors that influence rural, modest-income, first-generational students’ educational and occupational aspirations.  I cannot think of a person more qualified to lead this cause than Dr. Heather Bouchey.

At age 40, Heather is living her best life both as a mother and as an advocate for low-income, rural, first generational college students.  Part of this has to do with what Heather refers to as “checking in with herself”.  She now pays attention to what’s important in her heart and puts less stock in what others say she should be doing. She also is now able to bring kindness and compassion to herself— something she has struggled with in the past.

“Looking back, I always internalized class issues; I was always embarrassed by it”, states Heather.  “Now I realize that it was out of my control and I feel blessed about my situation.  I am grateful for the love and support I had.  My childhood situation made me who I am today and gives me a deep understanding of the dynamics at play for the students I now advocate for.”

I am proud of my friend.  Her drive and motivation continues to inspire me to this day.

“I used to be afraid of life’s challenges,” says Heather.  “Part of my motivation was fear of failure.  I was on a fast track moving full steam ahead to escape my childhood environment.”

“But I’m not afraid anymore”.

I've discovered  many things from Heather's journey. I hope you did too. 

• No matter your background or station in life, you have the ability to make a better life for yourself.  It's up to you and noone else.
• Really listen to your internal compass.  It's important to listen to mentors and to take advice, however ultimately you know what steps are best for you.  Sit still and listen to the tiny whispers that will point you in the right direction.
• It's ok to slow down and appreciate you. In fact, you owe it to yourself to celebrate you.

Are you a Fred?

As some of you may know, I am a meeting planner for an educational consulting firm.  We just finished our largest annual event— a national conference that attracts 1,300 attendees from across the U.S. and Canada.   And that is where I have been lately. But now I am back and will soon be posting another conversation I had with yet another inspirational woman so check back soon.  Meanwhile, I want to talk about what our closing keynote speaker had to say...


I was really moved by our closing keynote, Mark Sanborne's message.  I thought I would share some main points with you as they benefit us all, no matter what line of work you are in.  Mark talked about his mailman- yes I said his mailman.  Mark explained how his mailman, Fred, was an ordinary man who provided extraordinary customer service.  Mark was actually so taken back by Fred's "spirit of service" and other "Fred's" that he met along the way that he wrote a book called The Fred Factor— a national best seller.  This book contains as Mark says "the simple yet profound lessons" that he has learned from all the "Fred's"that he has encountered along the way.  And according to Mark Sanborne, by applying the four following principals, it's possible to do extraordinary work— just like Fred.


1.  Everyone Makes a Difference: no matter your job title or your role within a company, you have the power to make a difference. You choose whether or not your work is exceptional.  It's up to you.


2.  Everything is Built on Relationships: According to Mark Sanborne, "Service becomes personalized when a relationship exists between the provider and the customer." By taking the time to understand the customer,  that information can be used to provide better service.  Fred is proof that, in any job or business, relationship building is the most important objective because the quality of the relationship differentiates the quality of the product or service" says Mark.  Are you taking the time to really get to know your customer? Depending on your industry, your customer can be a colleague, a client, a patient, a student, etc.


3.  You must continually create value for others, and it doesn't have to cost a penny: Creating value for a customer goes a long way and you don't have to spend money in order to do so.  According to Mark, "you too can replace money with imagination. The object is to outthink your competition rather than outspend them."


4.   You can reinvent yourself regularly: You awake every morning to a clean slate.  It is your opportunity to re-invent yourself and focus on putting the passion and drive back into your life and work.


Are you a Fred?  If not, focus on what is holding you back from doing extraordinary work.  You owe it your employer, your customers, and most importantly to you to live and work with passion and a "spirit of service".


[I briefly summarized Mark Sanborne's four principles here.  For a more in depth explaination and to learn more about the "original Fred" and the extraordinary service he provided, visit http://www.fredfactor.com/]

Conversation #6: Turning a childhood vision into reality

If you feel stuck in your current situation, get off your butt and MOVE!  It takes effort.  You can choose to sit in front of the TV or choose to take action."  —Laura Stack, President, The Productivity Pro, Inc. 

You can say that Laura Stack has been living her passion all her life.  As a young girl, she dreamt of becoming a professional performer.  Laura was always dancing, singing, producing puppet shows, and recording herself "onstage".  She was forever exploring creative endeavors. 

While most young girls are focused on going to the mall or to a concert to watch their favorite group, at age 14 Laura found herself attending a Zig Ziglar Seminar. 

"My mother sent me to a Zig Ziglar Seminar when I was 14 years old", says Laura.  I decided then that I wanted to be like Zig Ziglar—I wanted to be a professional speaker."

Who knew it at the time that this young girl with a passion for performing would grow up to become Founder and President of a highly regarded training firm, bestselling author of four books, and one of the leading experts in the field of employee productivity and workplace issues, featured nationally on the CBS Early Show, CNN, the New York Times, and USA Today.

It's rare for someone to go to the business of professional speaking.  Professional speaking usually comes to someone after years of professional experience, after authoring a book, or to someone suddenly thrown into the spotlight due to a certain event or circumstance.  But this was not the case for Laura.  At that ripe age of 14, she knew this was her path and she went for it.  "I knew public speaking was perfect for me. It combined my passion for wanting to help people with my love of the stage", explains Laura. 

So how did she do it?  How did she turn her childhood vision into reality?

Education was always important in her family.  Her mother held a Master's degree; her father a Ph.D.  It was never a question that Laura and her two brothers would go to college. It was expected. 

"I grew up understanding the importance of education and the motto work before play," states Laura,  “This was the norm in our family".

It must have been a combination of Laura's upbringing and her natural talent for getting things done quickly and efficiently that led her to earning her MBA at age 21.  During this time, she worked for a large aerospace company and eventually became one of their internal trainers.  After working for just two years in that role, Laura realized the corporate world was not for her.

She also tried her hand teaching undergraduate students only to realize the academic world was not for her. 

"I was young, fearless, and able to quickly determine if a position suited me.  When it wasn't a good fit, when it wasn't aligned with my vision of myself, I quickly moved on to something else," states Laura.  This style of career exploration suited Laura well and led her to a position that felt like a good fit.

Laura approached Career Track, a company that produced public seminars.  Although she was young, it never occurred to her that they would not take her on as a seminar speaker.  "I had confidence in myself, worked hard, and was determined," Laura explains.  She submitted a video of herself "onstage". They could see her potential. They liked her energy, and gave her a chance.

Being a seminar speaker solidified Laura's vision of herself as a professional speaker.  "When I was onstage speaking to large audiences, it felt right. I felt in alignment", states Laura.

While continuing her contract work for Career Track, Laura began building her professional speaking/training business. 

Laura had confidence in her abilities; knew her value and what she had to offer.  This enabled her to pick up the phone and cold call companies about her speaking programs.  She offered her programs for free for the first few years to get her foot in the door.  She would go in, wow her audiences, get a referral letter, and quickly move on to the next speaking opportunity.  Before long, companies were calling Laura to speak; and the momentum continued, leading to more and bigger speaking engagements, books, and television appearances.

For many, the thought of picking up the phone and cold calling companies is quite intimidating.

"I had done my work, I was prepared" states Laura.  "I projected confidence in my voice and knew what I had to offer".  “So many people don't do the work and that makes all the difference.  You must do the work.  My confidence came from doing the work."

Are you confident with what you are bringing to the table?  Have you done your work?

Laura was also determined.  She was not afraid of rejection.  When a company said no, she quickly moved on to the next call. 

"When a company said no, I was more determined because I knew if I kept going I would be one step closer to yes" says Laura.

Do you feel in alignment with what you are currently doing?  Do you have a vision of yourself?  Maybe you have been working your vision on the side?  You may be coming from a place where you don’t have the liberty to move from a job that is not suited for you, however according to Laura there comes a point where you must jump.  She's not suggesting being foolish but she is suggesting that you MOVE. 

"If you feel stuck- not in alignment with your vision of you- then MOVE!  Get off your butt and network, get involved in associations or clubs, make an effort" says Laura.  "Some people wallow in self-pity but yet they can't tell me a single thing they've done to change their behavior.  It takes effort."

Laura turned her childhood vision of herself into reality because she was prepared. She did the work. She was not afraid of rejection.  She was determined and she MOVED!  And she continues to move toward new goals— like serving as the 2011-2012 President of the National Speakers Association, writing more books, and of course continuing her love of performing on stage as a professional speaker.  Her momentum continues!

Laura makes it sound so simple.  And you know what?  Maybe it is......Get off your butt and MOVE!  It's up to you.   

To see Laura in action “onstage” check out her great video clips at http://www.theproductivitypro.com/

Where were you last July 4th?

As July 4th falls upon us, I find myself reflecting on where I was last year at this time— I don't mean literally speaking.  Of course I remember where I was physically— I went to a local arts festival with a friend of mine.  But what I am really reflecting on is where I was figuratively speaking— where was I on my life's path.  My path to...well I don't know where exactly yet but get what I'm saying?

It's funny how certain events make us reflect upon a year gone by and what we've done or didn't do— I always reflect on my birthday, Christmas, and I guess now on July 4th too.

Last year at this time I was at an arts festival with my friend and then we stopped for dinner.  I was telling her how ready I was to find my next steps in life and maybe if I started speaking with other women- and blogging about it- I would discover something more about myself or learn something from their path to success and maybe my blog would encourage other women to push forward toward their goals— or maybe to even make a goal.  It was just a thought then.

Well a year has passed and I woke up today with the strange thought that I am actually doing the very thing I was talking about a year ago.  Of course in my mind it's not moving fast enough but reflecting back a year ago, I am one step closer toward..... well what I don't know.  But at least I have started down some path.

Where were you last July 4th?  What goal or vision were you talking about?  Have you done anything this past year to bring you closer to reaching your goal?  If you answered yes, that is great!  Keep moving forward so you can look back next year at this time and see how far you've come.  If you answered no then what are you waiting for?  If you don't get moving toward your goal then you will be looking back next July 4th realizing you are in the same position as you are right now.  Get moving!

I had a great conversation this week with a very inspiring, accomplished woman— and wow did she have a lot of wisdom to share! I can't wait to share it with you.  Check back tomorrow as I will post Conversation #6. 

Happy July 4th.  Get moving!

Reassessing is not giving up

With just five conversations completed, I have learned a great deal.

I had been thinking about this project for quite a long time before actually starting.  And when I finally started, it felt empowering.  I was so caught up in that feeling that I didn't take the time to contemplate what 500 conversations actually entailed.  It just sounded like a good number to me so that's what I declared.  I would interview 500 women uncovering their paths to success.

I learned from Conversation #2 with Moe Keller, former Colorado State Senator, that she took calculated risks on her path toward success.  She always gaged what she was going to take on and in turn, took the steps she felt she could do.  There may have been risk involved however it was calculated risk; a logical next step.

I surely did not follow Moe Keller's lead and gage what I was taking on before diving into this project.  I did not put thought into what 500 conversations actually meant; what it entailed.  I just jumped in head over heals with no game plan.  Don't get me wrong, I would much rather have dived into this project than not dived at all.  I'm proud for actually starting, yet I should have started on a smaller scale; beginning with a goal seemingly more attainable.  As I continued with this project, the thought of 500 conversations became rather daunting.

This leads me to another take away I learned in Conversation #5 with Cozy Friedman, Founder and CEO of Cozy's Cuts for Kids. After opening three kids-only hair salons, she took a step back and reassessed her situation and where she wanted to go.  At that point she decided not to open more salons and instead move forward with a line of kids hair-care products.  She wasn't giving up, she was changing direction based on her current situation and the future she saw for her business.

Now realizing that I took on more than I can handle with this project, I have reassessed my situation.  Based on this reassessment, I am changing my goal from 500 conversations to 125 conversations with women who have found success.  Believe me, 125 is still an undertaking however I feel like 125 is something I can take on, and more importantly, accomplish.  I sure could have used Moe Keller and Cozy's Friedman's advice before I started this project!  :)

Thanks for your continued support as I continue this journey.  Conversation #6 is coming this week so please check back.

And remember— it's ok to reassess your goal and change course, just don't stop moving forward. 

Reassessing is not giving up.

Conversation #5: Turning a "Lightning Bolt Moment" into a Business

“I was in my twenties— without children— when I opened my first Cozy’s Cuts for Kids Hair Salon.  I had no background in the beauty industry; I just thought a kids-only salon was a good idea and couldn’t believe there weren’t already a million in Manhattan.  The day we opened, there was a line around the block.”   —Cozy Friedman, Founder and CEO of Cozy’s Cuts for Kids; MORE magazine, November 2009

Do you dream of owning your own business?  Do you have what it takes to start a business and succeed?  While in New York City recently, I sat down with Cozy Friedman, Founder and CEO of Cozy’s Cuts for Kids.  She took a risk back in 1992 with a vision of opening a kids-only hair salon.  Her risk paid off; big time.

I met Cozy at her salon on 2^nd and 74^th Street— one of three Cozy’s Cuts for Kids in the Manhattan area.  Although I knew the address I wasn’t quite sure where I was heading.  Suddenly I spotted two young mothers pushing strollers and as I looked up I was greeted by a brightly colored sign that read Cozy’s Cuts for Kids. 

When I entered Cozy’s Cuts for Kids, I was immediately struck by the fact that it didn’t appear like a hair salon. Rather, it felt very much like a toy boutique.  There were toys upon toys extending as far as the eye could see; children playing; adults purchasing gifts for young loved-ones.  It wasn’t until I walked to the other side of the salon that I saw where haircuts actually took place.  I wanted to sit down and get my hair cut— it looked like so much fun!  There weren’t normal barber chairs; instead kids sit in a blue Mercedes or a styling Porsche.  And that’s not all— they can play with a toy or watch a DVD while they get their locks cut.  This certainly wasn’t an ordinary hair salon.  It is a kid-friendly environment that children actually look forward to going to.  Imagine that— kids actually looking forward to getting their hair cut!  And that is the genius behind this business model created by Cozy Friedman. 

I was soon greeted by Cozy herself.  She led me over to the kids manicure area where we sat on small, colorful chairs.  I was immediately struck by Cozy’s down-to-earth nature.  Having an entrepreneurial spark inside me, I suddenly found myself wanting to ask all sorts of questions.  Mainly…how did she do it?  How did she turn her vision into a viable, successful business?

The idea for a kids-only hair salon came to Cozy when she was in her early twenties. 

“A friend of mine told me about her cute little nephew's awful haircut experience at an adult salon. He was scared and began to cry and they were politely asked to leave the salon. That was my "Lightning Bolt Moment", says Cozy.

Cozy began researching the industry.  This was in the early 1990’s, before internet so she spent many tireless hours in the New York Public Library.  Cozy was shocked to learn that a kid-friendly salon did not exist.  She realized that she was on to something and she took action.

“I had a good job at the time.  I was making a lot of money in the fashion industry as a Sales Manager for a denim division”, states Cozy. 

But sometimes turning a vision into reality requires a big leap of faith and a lot of risk.  Cozy quit her high-paying, prestigous job in the fashion industry to devote all her time to researching her business idea and immersing herself in the children’s market.  She gave herself four months to open her kid-only hair salon.

“This period was such a surreal time in my life, explains Cozy.  So much of my identity was with the job I left.  At that point, I was just Cozy.  I felt like an imposter.  When I would run into people I knew from my prior career and tell them I was starting my own business, it didn’t seem real.”

During this time, doubt managed to creep in however Cozy pushed it aside and with the support of her mother, brother and now husband, she forged ahead.

With her four month time-frame in play, Cozy continued researching, developed her business plan, and began looking for a location.  At the same time she was immersing herself in the children’s industry.

“I enrolled in barber school and worked part-time in a toy store, indoor playground, and children’s clothing store to learn and understand my market” states Cozy.

Although she knew she was on to something, most people didn’t understand her concept.  At that time, there weren’t many businesses catering to children like we find today.  Cozy found this most apparent when looking for a location for her salon.  This turned into her biggest stumbling block.

“I could not find a landlord that would rent to me.  I was young, I wasn’t married, and I had no retail experience”, states Cozy.  “No one wanted to take a gamble on me”.

But Cozy continued to forge ahead; fine tuning her business plan, working her part-time jobs in the children’s market, and continuing barber school.  Cozy found a real estate broker who believed in her concept and together they searched for retail space.

While continuing to secure a location, Cozy thought that it would make sense to team up with a toy company.  She met with an executive with a major toy company and pitched her idea.  She felt the meeting went well but never followed up.  Looking back, she felt that it was her own insecurity that prevented her from following up.  Instead, she continued down her path of opening Cozy’s Cuts for Kids with no partnership.

It was approaching two years since Cozy quit her job and gave herself four months to open her first salon.  Two years and no salon.  Right about this time, her real estate broker introduced Cozy to the Vice President of real estate for a national chain of maternity stores.  They were looking to rent out some of their space on Madison Avenue and it just so happened that this executive got her idea and gave Cozy a chance.  A retail location on Madison Avenue in Manhattan— it doesn’t get much better than that!

“We were busy from day one” says Cozy.  The opening day we had a line around the block.”

Remember that toy company executive Cozy met with for a potential partnership?  Well he came into the salon during Cozy’s first week in business.  To her surprise, he asked her why she never followed up after their meeting.  He thought she had a wonderful idea.  From that point on, Cozy told herself that she would never let her insecurity get in her way again.

“Never let your own insecurity prevent you from making a move forward” says Cozy.

Cozy’s Cuts for Kids was a huge success.  Two months after opening, it was listed as “Best Kids Hair Salon” by New York Magazine and celebrities like Meg Ryan and Rosie O’Donnell frequented the salon with their children. 

Two years later, Cozy started planning for a second location.  To date, Cozy has three hair salons in the Manhattan area, has published a book Cozy’s Complete Guide to Girls Hair, and wholesales her line of children’s hair care products nationally.  And Cozy’s Cuts for Kids continues to be a hot-spot for celebrities to bring their children.

Cozy’s four-month time frame of opening her first salon turned into two years, however as Cozy says “sometimes things take longer for a reason”.

“If I would have opened my first salon in four months after quitting my job, I would not have graduated from barber school and spent the valuable time I did immersed in the children’s industry says Cozy.  “This time was invaluable.”

Looking back, Cozy says the single most important factor to her success was her business plan.  “It was my road map to getting to where I needed to be” says Cozy.  She followed it strictly for the first five years.

I asked Cozy if there’s a certain motto she follows that has led her to success.  “I am an eternal optimist” says Cozy, “I don’t believe there’s such a thing as no"; and she’s also a big fan of Jack Canfield’s book The Success Principals: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be!

Cozy has indeed found success.  But her success does not stop her from wanting to achieve more. 

“There’s always a bigger boat to sail” says Cozy.  As Cozy continues to push forward expanding her children’s hair care line and tackling other business goals, I have no doubt that this eternal optimist will be sailing a bigger boat very soon.

Do you have what it takes to start your own business and succeed?  Cozy reached success by:

·         Risk taking: Cozy quit a secure, high-paying job to focus on her business start-up

·         100% commitment: Cozy devoted her resources, time, and energy to her business vision.  She took on three jobs to understand her market; she spent endless hours researching and creating a business plan, and she went to barber school.

·         Not giving up: Cozy gave herself four months to open her business.  However, that four months turned into two years because she couldn’t find a landlord who would take a chance on her.  She could have easily given up; but she didn’t. 

Are you willing to take a risk, give your vision 100% commitment, and not give up when the going gets tough?  I guess that depends how bad you want it.

How long are you willing to persist toward your goal?

I recently met my mother in New York City.  My mom is an author and she was exhibiting at Book Expo to promote her first adult novel— The Reindeer Keeper, a Christmas story for baby boomers.  Although this is her first novel, she’s also authored and illustrated three children’s picture books and has been published in Chicken Soup for the Soul, McCall’s, Highlights for Children, The Crafts Report, and has written numerous newspaper articles.  By all accounts, she’s a very successful writer.

When I learned my mother’s intention of participating at Book Expo it was just a natural thought that I would join her.  My mom has been writing for as long as I can remember- she’s actually been writing since age 7.  I’ve always felt drawn to her talent and very attuned to her aspirations of making a living from her writing/illustrative talent.  Attending a tradeshow with my mother was nothing new.  I’ve joined my mom several times in the past when she exhibited at the New York Licensing Show— an event where companies seek properties (ie. logos; images) to license for use on products.  For years my mom was focused on licensing her children’s characters to companies.  Every time we attended a show we were certain that that time would be IT.  The time when my mom’s children’s characters would be discovered and she would finally reach her goal of working full time as an author/illustrator.  But it never happened.  Not because my mother isn’t talented; not because her stories aren’t good.  In fact, my mother is a gifted writer and her children’s characters are very sweet and enduring.  However, we have learned over the years that talent and quality does not necessarily equate to success.  Often times that’s not enough.  For the lucky- the famous or shall I even say infamous- it’s easy to write and publish a book.  More often than not they don’t even have to write the book- that’s where ghostwriters come in; and publishing companies are eager to take the book on because they know the books will sell because of the celebrity on the cover. So where does that leave folks who aren’t famous, yet have great talent and a true passion for the written word?  This got me thinking…

There are so many talented and gifted people out there.  Some may aspire to be a famous novelist or singer; others may aspire to create their own business, some may have political aspirations or a desire to earn their Masters or Ph.D.  So why do some people succeed in reaching their goal and others don’t?  I don’t believe it’s for lack of talent; rather I believe it’s due to lack of persistence.  You can have all the talent in the world, yet if you lack the drive and the willingness to push toward your goal, you will not achieve it.

So this brings me back to the New York Book Expo.  As I sat in my mother’s booth, watching my mom interact with fellow authors, librarians, books agents, and publishers, I realized the true grit and determination she possesses.  Her goal has always been to make a living from her writing; yet she’s still not quite there.  So many people would have given up by now.  But not my mom.  I realized at that moment that IT never happened at all those past tradeshows because it wasn’t supposed to happen that way.  By not having her children’s concepts discovered by a major licensing company, it forced my mom to stop writing and illustrating children’s stories and begin to focus on writing for adults— which ultimately is her true strength.  That shift in focus would not have happened if she “made it” long ago.  

Everyone has a path to success.  Some of the lucky achieve success early on, some never stay on their path because they quit after incurring a few bumps in the road, and some like my mother take a longer journey.  In my mom’s case, she is still on her path toward success.  Through re-evaluation, her path took a different direction, yet it did not end.  It continues in a different direction.

I know IT will happen for my mom; the way IT is supposed to.  And IT will happen because she never gave up.

This theme of persistence reminds me of my fifth conversation I had while in New York.  I was lucky enough to spend some time with a very successful entrepreneur who lives in Manhattan.  She had a vision in 1992 and gave herself four months to achieve it.  Well that four months turned into two years— two years of rejections, brick walls, and hard work.  But she did it.  I will post this interview later this week so please check back.

You may be encountering some bumps lately on your path to success; perhaps you've experienced a recent failure, set-back, or rejection.  These come across your path to give you an opportunity to re-evaluate.  They may serve as an opportunity to change direction on your path toward success.  Note: I say re-evaluate; not give up.  Are you willing to persist toward your goal?  Are you willing to change course if needed?  I guess it depends how bad you want to achieve IT. Whatever IT is to you.

Check back later this week for Conversation #5.  Meanwhile I leave you with this:

"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.  Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.  Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.  Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.  Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.  The slogan 'press on' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."
—Wolfgang von Goethe