Conversation #3: The path to reinvention

“I never dreamed that I’d be directing the NCAA Women Coaches Academy.”
            — Celia Slater, Executive Director, NCAA Women Coaches
                Academy; Co-founder, Win Star Foundation

So what do you do when you know that you are done with your current job—or your current profession?  When you know it’s time for you to move on to the next phase of life but you’re not sure what your next steps are— or just how do you take the first step?  When you have visions of what you could do but don’t have a solid course of action—how do you turn a vision into reality?

You do what Celia Slater did.  You declare your vision out loud. You get out there. You push harder than ever, and you keep moving forward even when your vision isn’t going as originally planned.

At one point in Celia’s life if you’d asked her to describe herself in one word, she very well could have answered “basketball”.  As a college student, Celia played basketball for both Clemson and Florida State. Between studying and playing she managed to find time to work basketball camps. It was at these camps that she discovered her love of teaching.  For Celia, it seemed a natural progression to become a college basketball coach.  She spent 16 years in college coaching. Toward the latter part of her career as head women’s basketball coach at Lynn University, Celia sensed it was time to embark down a new path.  But what?  Although she was searching for her next step, she lacked the courage to actually make a change.

“Basketball was a huge part of my identity”, says Slater.  “I felt like I couldn’t walk away because I didn’t know who I’d be without it (basketball) so I felt fearful to leave.”

Despite the fear; even with the uncertainty, Celia was not shy sharing her ideas about a program she envisioned that would improve team experiences for student athletes. She named the program “Play with Purpose.” Celia truly believed that this program was her ticket out of coaching.  She envisioned herself teaching these workshops in her next life’s phase. However, things took an unexpected turn.  As Celia began focusing this program toward student athletes, she discovered that coaches also benefited. This sparked the development of a Coaches Program.  But coaches couldn’t attain the funding to pay for their enrolling in the workshops and any attempts made to gain workshop sponsors fell short.

Despite this disappointment, Celia continued to push forward in all ways possible to find her next steps.  As she states, she was “searching hard” at this point; going to any industry event she could.  One such event was sponsored by the National Association of College Women’s Athletic Administrators.  Little did Celia realize that this move would become the major turning point in her path to reinvention. The event featured a rather unique fundraiser and when it was over Celia ended up with Judy Sweet, NCAA's VP of Championships & Educational Services as her mentor. This relationship led to Celia being introduced to the Chair of Women Athletics at the NCAA and subsequently her submitting a proposal for her Coaches Program. As a result, the NCAA awarded seed money to test how the program would be received.

In an ironic turn of events, as Celia felt her coaching career crumbling to pieces, her life was coming together.  Feeling like a failure after experiencing an awful coaching year, ironically, the right people starting showing up; the funding for the Coaching Program started to appear. The universe was listening to her ideas.  Celia quickly took steps to rebuild her self-confidence; keenly aware of the need to be at the top of her game to grasp hold of the opportunity the universe was unveiling. 

“I didn’t have a lot of time to sit around feeling sorry for myself” explains Slater.

With Celia leading the way, the NCAA pilot programs became a success and as they say, the rest is history. To date Celia has directed 22 highly successful NCAA Women Coaching Academy sessions, which are open to any coach from any sport, and any division.

“I remember sitting back and crying during the very first Coaches Academy” states Celia.  “It felt like things were clicking and coming together; and I felt so humbled doing it.”

But the Coaches Academy wasn’t the only idea that clicked. Remember Celia’s first program idea “Play with Purpose” — the idea she felt would be her ticket out of coaching?  This program, along with the Coaches Academy, now comprise The Win Star Foundation— a non-profit educational organization co-founded by Celia that provides leadership and skills training for coaches and athletes.  And the NCAA is their largest grant.

Celia’s path to reinvention was not without unexpected turns and obstacles, however she feels it was well worth the struggle.  “I can’t imagine doing anything else” says Celia. 

As you move down your journey to success, your vision might not look the way you thought it would at the start. At the beginning of her journey Celia never dreamed she would be coaching Academies for the NCAA.

“You need to let go of any attachments of what your vision looked like at the beginning because you don’t know the bigger picture.  You have to let things unfold the way they are supposed to— let go and let it happen.” 

— Celia Slater, Executive Director, NCAA Women Coaches
     Academy; Co-founder, Win Star Foundation

Declare it and persist

With two conversations under my belt I must admit that the thought of 498 more to go is rather daunting.  Not that I ever thought this was going to be a piece of cake but starting was easy. It's continuing the momentum and enthusiasm that is the difficult part.  I've already faced obstacles on this road to 500 conversations....the biggest obstacle being me.

I was struck by something Moe Keller, former Colorado State Senator said during our conversation [see my March 28 post].  Along her political journey, she just decided that mental health was going to be her mission— and it has been ever since.  Declaring her mission led her to her life's work.

So I've decided to declare this project my mission.  And to make the stakes even higher (and to light a fire under my butt) I am declaring a deadline for this project.   It's my mission to complete 500 conversations by April 10, 2013— my 43rd birthday. 

Is there something you've been thinking about doing?  Something you want to accomplish?  Something you've started but haven't given it your all?  Maybe your goal is to finish your degree, buy a new car, get out of that job you can't stand.  Whatever your goal is, make it your mission to do it.  Declare it, own it, give yourself a deadline to complete it.  Don't waiver from your mission— keep persisting even when your journey gets bumpy.  Persist, persist, persist.

I've gotta go now— I have 498 more conversations to go and I only have 2 years to complete this mission! 

Check back this week for Conversation #3.

"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.  Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.  Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.  Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.  Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.  The slogan 'press on' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."

—Wolfgang von Goethe

Conversation #2: The journey to her life's work

I recently sat down for a conversation with Moe Keller, former Colorado State Senator and currently Vice President of Public Policy & Systems Advocacy for Mental Health America of Colorado. My intention was to uncover a journey which has led her to where she is today. Quite interestingly, what I uncovered was a journey that led her to living her life’s work.

When Moe Keller was in high school, the idea of becoming a state senator never crossed her mind.  Although admittedly interested in politics, she wanted to be a teacher.  Moe loved kids; was a tutor on Saturday mornings. Her curiosity was peaked when watching a deaf woman in her neighborhood signing. This turned Moe’s focus to deaf children when tutoring. As she states, “I kinda stumbled upon some sign language stuff”.  Moe continued this focus through college. It was when she was earning her teaching experience at a school for the deaf that Moe “knew she was home”. 

For 25 years, Moe was an interpreter and teacher for the deaf. During this time, she was exposed to some politics but still the thought of running for office never crossed her mind. She became involved with community and neighborhood based issues which led to her attending local city council meetings.  Because of this involvement, she was encouraged to run for city council.  Moe admits to doubts-even fears when deciding to run.  After all, this was a totally different path for her to embark upon; something she’d never done before.  In the final analysis, several factors played a key role in her believing that she could run and in her ultimate decision to run.

Moe possessed a confidence which she herself attributes to her upbringing.  The second of four children, Moe stepped up to the plate; taking the lead role due to her older brother suffering from a mental illness. She was the “oldest” in the sense of relating to her parents and she formed a very strong bond with her father. Because of his encouragement and support, she realized from a young age that she would be going to college; that she could be anything she wanted to be.

“He was an outstanding father,” Moe states. “If I got involved in something, he was right there.”

Moe was fortunate to find these same attributes in her husband.  He’d always encourage her to be all she could be.  Besides the foundation from her father and the support of her husband, Moe was fortunate to be surrounded by capable people who could mentor her through the process of running.  They’d been through the process before. They agreed to assist her with her campaign which she won.  Moe served as a member of the Wheat Ridge City Council for six consecutive years.

Because of her decision not to run for another term, Moe spent a few years, as she describes, “catching her breath.” Although out of office, she remained engaged in city issues and events, substitute teaching and interpreting.  In 1992, the Democratic Party approached her; asking if she’d be interested in running for a seat in the House of Representatives just as a full time teaching position which she was vying for fell through. While disappointed she hadn’t been chosen for the position, at the same time, this opened the door for her to run for office again. Sometimes opportunities arise from disappointment.

For two weeks after agreeing to run, she found herself in panic mode. This was an uncharted chapter; the stakes were higher.  Fear and doubt crept in despite confidence in her abilities. However, after those two weeks of uncertainty, Moe dug in-tapping into that confidence- and a great mentor.  She followed a model that continues to work for her to this day. You see, Moe always gages what she’s going to take on and in turn, takes the steps she feels she could do.  In this instance, although it was untested territory that brought fear and doubt, it was a logical next step. It felt somewhat familiar. It made sense. She was ready for the next turn in her road.

Moe won the seat. She was an elected member of the House of Representatives. However, even at this point, she did not aspire to be a state senator.  In 2000 she was termed out. She became a campaign manager; spent two years as a sign language interpreter.  It was during this break that she realized her aspirations of becoming a State Senator; deciding she would run if the opportunity arose. It did in 2002. 

The race for State Senate was, “the most difficult thing I’ve ever endured,” Moe recalls.

The campaign was a horrible experience; her first exposure to the viciousness that goes on in today’s politics.  It made her physically and emotionally ill.  If she would have known how brutal the attacks were going to be, she states "I would have never run".  However, no matter how downtrodden she felt, she continued to push forward.  Moe credits her husband’s support and that of her team for getting her through.  Looking back, she’s glad she ran.  She’s glad she stuck it out because, as she says, “ I was able to do a lot of good things in my eight years in the Senate”.

Moe never thought her about her journey as a “path to success”.  She actually never really thought about her journey because she was too “in it” at the time to think about the path she was on.  She never reached a point when she thought she’d “made it”.  To her, it was never about her title but instead what she could do in every role she held. It was never her goal to be in the Senate or Chair of the Joint Budget Committee.  It was a gradual, unplanned series of “doors to be opened” that presented themselves over the years.  And she opened every door that crossed her path.

By the time she became Senator, she’d obtained the wisdom and experience which afforded her a clear picture in where she was going.  She was certain.  Because of her journey, she knew exactly what she stood for: mental health and child welfare.  It wasn’t until she was appointed Senate Chair of the Joint Budget Committee that she asked herself “how did I get here?”.

The culmination of Moe’s journey came with her current role as Vice President of Public Policy and Systems Advocacy for Mental Health America of Colorado where the public policy she focuses on is geared to individuals with mental illness and their families— something she knows personally.  Moe not only follows legislation closely, she is also able to influence that very same legislation through the advocacy group she represents.  This allows her to stay involved in legislation while fighting stigma; helping the afflicted gain treatment; and influencing policy on both a State and Federal level through Mental Health America’s National Conference.

“I love what I’m doing”, states Moe.  “This is what I am meant to do”.

Just think if Moe Keller gave into her fears when new opportunities came her way.  And what if she quit that Senate race when it really got tough?  Would she be living her life’s work today?

Don’t let fear prevent you from exploring a new opportunity that comes your way; and don’t give in when times get tough.  Dig into your strengths, lean on those around you, and push forward.

Thank you Moe for sharing your journey that led you to the important work you do today on behalf of the mentally ill and their families.

Facing setbacks and failure on the road to success

I'm gearing up for Conversation #2 this week with......well I'm not saying.  You'll just have to check back to see (pretty sneaky of me huh?). 

As I prepare for this second conversation, I am reminded of my experience with conversation #1 and how I walked away feeling like I failed my mission. For a moment it made my stomach turn.  As I'm approaching another interview and reflecting on my first experience, feelings of doubts creep in and I remind myself that "I am not a journalist".  What if I have the same experience again?  Fear of failure is a powerful force.  It can make us quit trying, prevent us from trying something new, or hold us back from taking a risk.

As I recently reflected on my first conversation or my so-called “failed mission”, I stumbled upon this quote by Thomas Edison, "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up".  This quote was all I needed to make me remember that my "perceived" failure with my first conversation was just that....it was my initial perception.  But after further reflection I realized that that "failure" was actually a learning experience that I will continue to use as I move forward down this path of 500 conversations. I'm not ready to quit this journey because I had one experience that didn't go as expected or because I am fearful at times.  My excitement for this project out-weighs my fear so you're stuck with me as I inch closer toward 500 conversations with women who have found success.

Check back soon as I reveal the mystery guest for Conversation #2 and share her path to success. 

Meanwhile, if you've experienced a recent failure on your path to success, read these five "stay focused on success tips" from Charles Manz, PH.D., author of The Power of Failure. [Fitness magazine, April 2011].

1. Stick to the facts:  Think of your failure as an experiment that had a result different from the one you expected.  Try to analyze the situation the way a scientist would analyze data from a lab experiment.
2. Question your logic: Why did things go differently than you expected?  Did you make an incorrect assumption?  Was your timing or execution flawed?  Pinpointing an error or lapse in judgment will help you avoid it in the future.
3. Learn from it: Failures can give rise to new ideas, expose erroneous assumptions and prevent us from becoming too self-satisfied.
4. Stay positive:  The greatest risk is not failure itself but the possibility that it will make you think of yourself as a failure.  If you lose confidence in your skills, you may not be willing to try again.  Instead, practice seeing yourself as a successful person who had a bad moment.
5. Go for it again:  Don't quit now; psych yourself up to give it your all again.  Without a full effort, you won't know whether you failed because an idea was flawed or because you didn't give yourself a chance to succeed.  Most great victories come through perseverance, not instant triumph.

Don’t be afraid to change course as long as you continue to move forward

I continue to reflect on my first conversation with Maxine Clark, founder and CEO of Build-A-Bear Workshop (refer to my February 26 post if you missed it).

What amazed me most about Maxine is that she was on a clear career path from early on.  There was no floundering, no confusion about what she was “supposed to do with her life”.   Maxine discovered her passion- her interest in retail- while in college.  Upon graduating, she began her retail career as an executive trainee for May Department Stores Company.  Her career path led her to various positions within the company, leading to CEO of Payless Shoe Stores, followed by her founding Build-A-Bear Workshop.  It was a natural progression. It made sense. I’m not saying that Maxine’s journey was easy, surely it took a lot of hard work and drive to get to where she is today, but she didn’t have an internal struggle— questioning if she was in the right line of work, feeling stuck, trying to figure out her next steps.  She was in an industry she loved.  And because she loved what she was doing—and having fun while working hard—her path naturally unfolded.

Wouldn’t it be great if it was like that for the rest of us?  Oh I’m sure that there are other women out there whose career path naturally unfolded, however I believe they are the exception— and this fascinates me.  So this is where I’m heading with The Women’s Insight Project. 

The Women’s Insight Project will now center on the question “how did she do it?”.  I will have conversations with 500 women who have found success (gulp- yes still 500 conversations- why am I doing this to myself?!).  Success is in the eye of the beholder so career success could be how a woman climbed the corporate ladder, how she transformed herself into a new line of work, how she became a successful entrepreneur, how she found and is living her passion, how she created her second act, how she figured out “what she is supposed to do with her life”.  These conversations will focus on her journey getting there.  We may find a few women who went down a clear cut path, however I bet we will uncover some bumpy roads, twists and turns, and stops and starts as women reveal their journey that led them to where they are today. 

I invite you to continue with me on this journey— especially those of you who are floundering (certainly there has to be at least one woman out there floundering besides me!).  I welcome your comments too…..that way I know there is someone out there reading my posts besides me.  Is there anyone out there?

Let the journey continue…..only 499 more conversations to go.

Gosh I’ve only had one conversation and I’m already tweaking the focus of this project.  But as I said from the beginning, I don’t know where this journey will lead.  I’m sure it will have many twists and turns.  However the point is that I continue.  For if I give up, I will never know what the purpose was.  Lesson learned: don’t be afraid to change course as long as you continue to move forward. 

Watch your expectations, learn from failure and appreciate your gifts

Well I have my first conversation under my belt and it went.....not exactly as planned.  But I guess that's the point of this entire project right?  I've said from the beginning that I don't know where this journey will lead or what we will learn and this first conversation proved that to be true.

I flew to St. Louis to meet with Maxine Clark, founder and CEO of Build-a-Bear Workshops.  Being the organized, professional person I am, I arrived at the office 40 minutes prior to my appointment and sat patiently in my rental car as I did some last minute preparation like putting new batteries in the videocassette recorder I bought for ten dollars on Craigslist.  I decided to practice recording so when I met with Maxine I wouldn't be fumbling around and we could get right to business.  I pressed play....worked fine.  I pressed record.....I pressed record....pressed it again and it didn't work!  I had been preparing for this conversation for a month so why didn't I test the record option before I handed over my ten dollars? First lession learned!

So I walked into the reception area with my pad of paper full of questions and notes...and no recorder.  A few minutes later, I was greeted by Maxine's assistant.  As she led me back through the office I began to realize just how large this operation was.  It was deceiving from the reception area but as I was led to the back-- past offices, cubicles, and walls covered in bright blue, yellow and red-- it hit me what a giant entity this was and I was on my way to meet its' founder.  I was led into the boardroom and was greeted by Maxine Clark. 

Maxine was very gracious and personable.  She asked me a bit about my background and then she began to talk.  Within the first five minutes I realized that my conversation was not going to go as planned and that my questions that I had spent a month preparing were not going to be asked. Instead, I listened as Maxine gave me some really great advice about my career and career path.   However, this was not what I flew there for.

My hour with Maxine went by very quickly and the next thing I knew I was sitting back in my rental car staring at my useless videocassette recorder and wondering why I wasted money that I don't have on a plane ticket to spend an hour with a power house of a woman who gave me career advice.  It made me question this entire project, myself, and my journey.  Either I could cry and give up or really ponder that past hour and think about what I learned from it.  Surely there had to be some take-a-way....something I could share with you.  And yes indeed there was. 

I realized that I am not a journalist.  I thought it would be easy to conduct these conversations...that I would meet with interesting women, instantly get my questions answered, and discover something enlightening that I could share on my blog.  But what I realized is that those journalists that we see on tv make their job look easy because that's what they're good at....it's either their gift or they've mastered their techinque through years of practice.  This made me think of my career...my job...what I do for a living.  I constantly receive praise and compliments on how well I do my job.  However I never truly have taken those compliments seriously or to heart.  This experience reminded me that my job does take a special skill set in order to do it well.  I merely overlook this fact because these special skills are something I've mastered.....it's something that comes naturally and I take this "gift" for granted.  Think about your current professional role.  You may be feeling stuck, like you're not contributing, not challenged.  However, I urge you to think about the skills you bring to the table that make you successful in your job and the difference you make for those around you by doing your job well.  Not everyone has these skills, nor can just anyone do your job.  If you've lost sight of that fact because you've been in your role for a while....maybe itching to do something different....I challenge you to take a new perspective on your role and celebrate your "gifts" you bring to work every day.

I also learned to watch my expectations.  I went into this conversation thinking I would get all my questions anwered....that it would head a certain way.  My expectations were shattered and I was initially disappointed.  However, we don't learn from our successes, we learn from our failures.  Although my expectations were not met, I chose to alter them and focus on what I learned, not on what went wrong.  What have you learned from your failures or shattered expectations?  Come on....there must be something positive you can find.  We are given obstacles, set-backs, and struggles so we can learn, grow, and ultimately find new and better possibilities.

And I learned never to buy a used videocassette recorder without first testing to see if it works.  Better yet, what was I thinking buying a videocassette recorder in the first place?  I am shopping around this weekend for a brand new, digital recorder.
 

[Although I am not a journalist, I realize that I can only get better at this "conversation thing" so I will continue to practice my interviewing technique and I am confident I will improve with every new conversation......hang in there with me on this journey.  It will get better :)]

Be honest with yourself and push through your fears

Well I’m gearing up for the first of 500 conversations.  I head to St. Louis this week to speak with Maxine Clark, founder of Build-a-Bear Workshops.  What a way to kick off our journey!

As I prepare for this first conversation, I am flooded with emotion.  I hesitated whether to express my true feelings here.  However after careful consideration, I realized that if I am not brutally honest with my feelings then I would not be doing this project or myself justice.   I began this project because I found myself struggling…searching for answers.  I thought that by listening to other women open up about a time in their life where they struggled-  and pushed through it- I would gain a better understanding of my own struggle and also help other women along the way. But in order for these conversations to be effective, the women I speak with must be honest, open and very candid about how they felt at that particular time in their life.  So if honesty and candidness is what I expect from these conversations, then I owe it to you to be completely open and honest about how I am feeling during every step of this journey.  For we must first be honest with ourselves before we can we take the necessary steps to change, move forward, or help others.  So here I go…

I’ve wanted to quit this project twice this week.  Feelings of self-doubt trickled in…..

·         “Why in the world are you doing this Jennifer, do you know how long it will take to complete 500 conversations?” 

·          “What in the world am I thinking heading to St. Louis to interview Maxine Clark?  Why would she want to open up to me?”

·         “What do I say on the phone when I call women to participate?  I can’t do this….they won’t give me a chance.”

So as I head into my first conversation, I am nervous, filled with self-doubt, and not quite certain where this project is heading.  And yet, I’ve had brief moments where I am excited and confident.  I am trying to hang onto the excited, confident me and have faith that as I move forward, conversation after conversation will lead me down a path of self-discovery that I just can't see right now. 

So what are you “covering up”?  What are you not being honest with yourself about?  Your career, a relationship, a family situation, your station in life?  I encourage you to be honest with yourself and with others around you.  You just might be surprised how that single step will give you confidence to push away your feelings of self-doubt and move forward.

We can’t give into our fears....we need to forge through them.  Next stop…..Build-a-Bear Workshop Headquarters!  Check back to see what I discover after speaking with Maxine Clark and how it might help you push through your struggle.